Hey, my life has not changed, like, AT ALL, since we last spoke!

Orphan is the greatest evil-child movie starring Vera Farmiga I have ever seen. Granted, I've only seen one, but she's been in, like, two. Think about it.

Do you know what is TREMENDOUSLY BORING DESPITE ITS STRIKING VISUAL BEAUTY? This film. I've had it from Netflix since august, when I got through forty-five minutes of it before realizing that I had better things to do. I decided to give it another go. My PS3 remembered where I'd left off though, so I was all, "fuck it" and just watched the last forty minute of the movie without so much as glancing at the wikipedia entry to remind me of the plot. Whatever. It was an Italian thriller from the sixties so coherence was almost certainly never gonna be that film's strong point. And, indeed, it wasn't.

But seriously, watch Orphan, it is hysterical, or <voice of a Russian little girl>* "I will cut off your hairless little prick before you even figure out what it's for."

*OR IS IT?

I have the stupidest goddamn dreams.

Hey, internet! I have moved back to IU! I like my room! It is a single, which is all I've ever wanted, and I have kind of a neat view, but unfortunately, it's exactly in the center of my quad so moving in/out is kind of a pain in the ass. I think I will see two movies today, one of which is "The Final Destination." I love that series and 3-D slasher flicks ("My Bloody Valentine" was fabulously dumb... "Oh my God! That truck is in 3-D!"), but I love even more the trend of adding or subtracting "the" to movie titles as a way of hiding a series' age. This isn't "Final Destination: 4-D" and "Fast & Furious" wasn't "4 Fast,4 Furious."

That is all that is happening with me right now.


I do believe the following video has made me happier than anything else this past summer:

I guess that's kind of obvious. But it's sort of distracting me whenever they show up in a piece of fiction. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around a centaur's hypothetical anatomy. You can't just replace one animal's head with another animal's entire upper body, you know? Centaurs have two sets of lungs... I guess? Their human intestines lead right into their horse lungs. Something has to be filling up that second ribcage on the horse part of a centaur's body. Also, how would they wipe their asses? Well, I guess they wouldn't. Gross, horse-people!

Uhhhhhhhhh, yeah, school should be starting any minute now.

Kathie-Lee Gifford's "Welcome to My Home" thing is at least ten times weirder, funnier, and more repulsive than Brenda Dickerson's. Thank you, Everything is Terrible!




I wish celebrities these days would produce this kind of nonsense. I really do.

Silent Hill Homecoming is not working for me. It won't recognize me pressing the start button, and unlike every other fucking game in existence, you actually have to press it instead of any random button to start the game. It worked before. I played it! I don't know what's up. Apparently, this is not a problem for other people, as I haven't been able to find anything on google. I guess I'll just have to buy it again, someday.

It's definitely from the "it's scary because it's unplayable!" school of survival horror.* It's one of those games where the controls  and camera angles suck so hard that it's almost satisfying when you get killed, because you hate your character so much. "Stupid bitch! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU? WHY CAN'T SEE YOU SEE WHETHER THAT'S A CURATIVE ITEM OR SOME STUPID BULLSHIT NEWSPAPER THAT WILL SET OFF A CUTSCENE AFTER WHICH I'LL HAVE TO FACE  AN INVINCIBLE DUDE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER WHO WILL SCARE YOU SO MUCH THAT YOUR DUMB ASS WILL STOP MOVING? FUCK. YOU. ALSO, ONCE YOU JUST RAN RIGHT INTO HIM AND THAT KNOCKED HIM COLD THE FUCK OUT, SO YOU SEEM TO BE SUPERHUMANLY STRONG OR THIS GUY SUCKS AS MUCH AS YOU DO, EITHER WAY, THIS SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT."

**that is to say, it's a typical survival horror game. But worse, kind of? Survival horror games tend to suck, gameplay-wise. I am really glad I don't have to waste my time with any stupid fucking puzzles (YET), though. You know what? I've read reviews of survival horror games and it seems like a lot of people enjoy puzzles, I guess. They're like, "this was a fairly atmospheric, scary game, but it could've used more riddles and puzzles which necessitate the player backtracking a whole fuck of a lot. Yes, more of those." All y'all suck, critics I half-remember and might be inventing.

My cats are definitely older than middle-aged.

I got an A in everything except for Japanese, where I got an A-, which is as good as I thought I could do. Still kind of annoying, especially because language classes are cumulative and I could easily get worse. Hopefully, I will study a little to improve this summer. Doubt it, though.

Got Netflix again! Yaaaaaaaaaay.

I really like my family. Apparently, they're a lot more liberal than I thought, because they actually left their local church when the dumbass priest said that Catholics are the only group it's okay to persecute left in America.

Popular is so worth tons of your cash money! But I think at least the first season is on youtube. Anyway, have some clips of my favorite character, Mary Cherry, and her terrible southern accent.













(this is apparently a four clip series. Don't watch them all! Watch the show)

Speaking of Popular, man, don't buy that show. The two seasons are a hundred dollars! It's hilarious, although I'm not sure how much, since it was a part of my childhood and I can't really view it objectively, but I do not believe that an episode is worth 2.5 dollars. Maybe some of them, but certainly not an average one. Knots Landing is much more reasonably priced HINT. Or Grosse Pointe, another hilarious 10-year-old WB sitcom. Only fifteen dollars on Amazon! Come on! It's hilars! I need to stop truncating words and adding "s" to their ends.

I just found out that Ron Paul's son is named Rand Paul.

DO YOU LOVE ENGRISH? HOW ABOUT DUMB, CHUBBY CATS?

YOU ARE WELCOME.

You've probably seen this lil dude diving into boxes (ADORABLY), but he also has a blog, apparently.

THINGS TO NOTE:

1) With models from "She's Got the Look"! Wow, they're no "Britain's Next Top Missing Model(s)" but they'll certainly do. Seriously, I don't really think reforming the world of modelling, which all ways be about people who are unrealistically hot, through fake reality shows is all that admirable. SORRY, TYRA.

2) Haha. Reba McEntire DOES totally suck at reading off a teleprompter. She is not helped by how it is damn near impossible to write a summary of that crappy, wonderful, nonsensical show. It really did start out as a low-key drama about families in the suburbs before randomly becoming all about tycoons or whatever. God bless it.

3) Gosh, that was just generally really awkward. STILL BUY THE DVDs BECAUSE THEY ARE GREAT AND THERE IS A DISTINCT, HILARIOUS SHIFT IN TONE FROM SEASON ONE TO SEASON TWO. Come on, you'll all spend fifty dollars on impulse buys over the course of some amount of time! Why not do that shit now?